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welcome to uncle thom's cabin.
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posted (12.08.2008)
at [3:33 PM]
the bare necessities...of WAR
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today my english teacher almost exposed me for my fraudulent crimes of not reading till chapter 12 in the timeless american tale "the red badge of courage". it's not my fault i had a busy weekend. and also not my fault that i forgot to read said novel before today. i get in trouble for that very frequently.
we had been taking notes for several class periods now, and by notes i mean lectures characterized by odd tidbits of information scarcely spread about a rant with a general underlying theme, usually something with a political undertone. last period i can remember learning that the book was published in 1865 (plus or minus 100 years) and, more importantly, the teacher's stance on teenagers these days. but from what i had heard about this book (i.e. word-of-mouth) was that it was a boring read with a marvelous theme. similar to "the scarlet letter", which i also didn't read. jeez. ms s***, if you are out there, please forgive me. (censored letters of teachers name to protect identity. count on it in the future.)
but that's besides the point. i had realized i hadn't read the book about half way into our interactive lecture, in which i realized that i was doomed to be picked on and inquired about my opinion on the book. if you hadn't read the book and were called on, you usually got a stern lecture which lasted from 5-15 minutes and usually set the tone for the rest of the underlying rant, which had happened to me last time on our interactive lecture of "huck finn".
i flipped open my own copy to skim for some important quote or tale that i could use to better leverage my ground with the english teacher. i don't think i'm on any of her top ten lists, if you know what i mean. just at that instant, the moment of climax hit me like a rock going through a windshield. as her beady eyes gazed into my back while i feebly asked to repeat the question, she coughed out a cold-worded reply that would make the sternest of sailors break down and cry.
i would NOT allow myself to be subordinated by this naggy ranty old pseudo-liberal english teacher! i immediately swiveled in my seat to reveal that i wasn't going to back down to her challenge. we both knew damn well that i hadn't read the book, let alone read the summary on sparknotes. this was a test: could i endure it? my answer went along the lines of this:
"well. there was a part i had read while reading this book, upon which the main protagonist is talking to his ma, and he says to his ma 'hey ma, i wanna go to the army' and she says back 'no way son, that's the most retarded idea i've heard all day'. but then as he is leaving to go draft for the army, you can see tears down her cheek. this...just HIT me. it shows that even the hardest of hearts can be softened by the evils of war."
well, that was my answer essentially. i trimmed it down a little bit. but after this answer the whole classroom stood in awe, as me and the english teacher stood in a permanent stare at each other. then the phrase came out of her mouth: "ok...good...". she obviously couldn't tell if i was serious or not. of course, no one else took me seriously. my bud next to me even said "whoa...that was deep.".
PASS! she even called me out during the latter half of the period (her undertone was death-related), and i cited my visit to the body worlds exhibit as "one of the most humbling experiences of my life". she, obviously, was baffled by my sudden rush of experience and majesty. i think i scored a lot of karma today.
love your uncle thom
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